sleeper do you think of me?

I wonder if you running too

2009-09-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

Today was large. Today was good. There was a nice breeze, and I finished a class.

I also went through a whole lot today. Its about this time every year I see my forever friend, I call family, former doctor, Aunt Eva.

I have known her my whole life. She is the one who took over my case and treated me for my leukemia. We have stayed close though she has moved back to Prague long ago.

I don't really think to often about my cancer. Its a passing thought if I do.

I don't account for how really, really how lucky I am. I am defiantly blessed.

Every single breathe I take is a blessing.

Every friend, every heart ache, every day I see my parents.

I'm blessed.

It hits heavy on my heart when I take into account all that I've been through, and even harder when I see it in the ones who went through it with me.

Today, I saw my life in Eva's eyes. I saw myself grown up.

Just her reaction this time I saw her, hit deep, and is now sleeping in my bones.

Just her large smile as she said it was crazy how grown up I was, then she said she hardly reconized me.

and at that moment I hardly reconized myself either.

I look at the photo we took and I still don't know how I got to 20 so fast.
Life seemed to fly by here. Ive compared it to a picture of me when I was just a kid.

It just seems like yesterday.

Today I laughed, I cried, I was inspired, I was reassured.

Her simple words, are always honest and always thick with accent.

They are powerful.

Her talking about my life and it's future, and how much there is left out there.

Her talking about falling in love and going for it.

Her saying how she was happy just to see me and my sister.

I couldn't help but thank the Lord for everything in my life, ever at that moment.

I could help but worry about everything at that moment, just to soon overcome it. Peter and the wolf was playing in my head " and I wonder if your running too"

Her sufficating hug, was a much need one. Everything is fine.

Lets travel

Lets paint

Lets sings

Lets read

Lets disappear

Lets Learn

Lets fall in love

Lets live life why don't we?

sounds sound to me.

Today was large.

Eva is great.

Family is love.

Life is good.

Friends are amazing.

The Lord is the greatest.

sleeping

2009-09-22T16:02:00.000-07:00

for now.
a great couple months.
headed up with a list.
whats to come.

tunes and tunes to come

I cant wait to build up the makeshift studio in the winter.

but for now, ill keep to myself.
there has recently been alot on the ol'thinker.
I would be lying if I said its not over thinking.

I cant wait till it gets cold enough to go buy a abnormal amounts of new sweaters, and bust out the old standbys. Have frozen cheeks, and feel the cold in my lungs.

I like the colors outside recently. there seems to be a glow.
It could be my glasses. ha.

I cant finish my short story.
I cant finish my thoughts and feelings.
I cant say what I mean.
I want to see through it. and see it through.

"There's piles on my floors of artifacts from dresser drawers."

Are your eyes like mine?

2009-09-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

I felt lonely today. Rode my bike around, and read Psalms.

I was thinking, and if for a moment I could fix your eyes on what I see.

not wonder. with an ear to the ground. just know.

count the steps, add them up, and hope it's where I am.

it doesnt. it's unsaid. and fleeting. knowing. dissapearing. and often collecting. its out of my control.

Though I feel this way,
I'm thankful for everything in my life.

I pray it's there, or show up, or something.

its all I can think.

"In peace I shall both lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me secure."

I dont know much

2009-08-27T17:20:00.001-07:00

and I know I'm not the coolest, most popular blogger dude
and I'm pretty positive all 100 views have been by me.
and I dont know that many people who do blog.

But.

These awesome dudes have some great thought, ideas, and words to share.
Really good stuff.

Casey Crane-http://casimer.wordpress.com/
Mike Brandes-http://mikebrandes.com/

2009-08-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

I'm learning everyday. I doubt everyday. I need everyday. I pray everyday. I wonder everyday. I feel lonesome...what I mean to say is that sometimes I wish I could do everything for someone. I want so share my life, but I know I want to be the best person I can be, it would be selfish wish for an amazing person to be with a slacker. haha. I wonder if someone sees it in me.

For some reason this horse has always struck a cord with me, since I was little. His melancholy eyes, his loneliness, and imperfections. He still stands proud. I created a story for him. It seems we are all searching.

I know in no way I am alone. That's what so beautiful about God, that forever we will have someone to rest our head on. Seeking Him will always be the best decision of my day no matter what.

People are incredible. People are incredibly strange. People are difficult. I really want to work on connecting with everyone, since we are all people. I do instantly read my peers, especially new ones, and make an assumption. I think about all the people I see everyday and never connect or talk with. Its so strange. Why are we not more loving I ask. I want be a mirror. I want to reflect Gods love, and my love. It really does strike someone when they see sincerity. Sincerity. What a beautiful thing.

So for now I wonder how's your heart. and how mine is too.
Day by day. I'm grateful.

Hows it feel to dissapear?

2009-08-21T23:03:00.000-07:00

Like serioulsly dissapear.

for all that it would be worth, it wouldnt be worth it at all to do so.
there are great things out there, but it seems to be hard to decide if
time and heart will show return.

I want to go there, don't you?

2009-08-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

If your gone it's hard to know.

We move so quickly through people we know and meet. Some we hang on to for dear life. Others take with the wind, and lots we consider distant memories.

I think it's funny how much we learn about ourselfs through other people. When we go back,

it's like getting script read back at you. Outside looking in on a part of your own life.

We really find out if we were as good as we believed we were, or wished we were.

Were we good friends, loves, liars, kissers, singers.

Or did we block out the bad parts, and only until a later date we review the footage and find that we were slightly off our self image.

Though sometimes we're on point.

But it's good to hear it all. If we can see how we've grown (hopefully) and how much we learned, it inspires.

When it comes to our hearts. It's hard to say what we really mean sometimes. And it's hard to know what we are looking for, or if we should be looking, but have that one person you fall in love with. " I never thought I could bite hard enough", or never thinking I can have that one person, but hopefully it's there. I know I want to meet someone who makes me want to be better everyday, at everything I do. I'll be waiting.

In the mean while it's good to know we can rely on our friends to carry us, I know I'll carry mine if and when the need me too. Anytime.

Old friends, new friends, and acquaintances.

The people who feel like you've known all your life.

I'm greatful for every moment.

Growing all the time. Hopefully it means something to someone.

Is my heart really new?

2009-08-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

When you leave, my powders and my teas will speak their heads off to me

2009-08-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

When one note, from one song, makes you feel.
It's your heavy eyes.
It's your long day.
It's the person you like.
It's your best friends.
It's your hopes and dreams.
It's your happiest you've ever been.
It's a silly wish that someone else has a list similar to this.

With so much change happening it's good to stop and listen to this note.
Maybe it's from your favorite tune, or a note you play, or sing out loud, or under your breath.
Whatever it may be, we all need to be more expresssive.

This one note makes me feel like we don't tell the ones we care most for how much we care for them enough. It is something that goes unsaid, but it should be audible, almost tangible.
Friends, Family, make it known. We are here to love.

Alot to work on.
Thank the Lord.

And you'll find the peace of the Lord

2009-08-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

Every once and awhile in life, there are times where everything seems perfect. And always at a perfectly placed moment. Little glimpses of whats to come. It may not be the lasting moment that we all hope for, but as if for a split second my eyes are opened and I see that everything is okay. Not that anything is bad. It's just the small stuff I focus on in life, and put in my mind as what I think I need (want) haha but in reality I really don't know what.

I realized when all the focus I put on these petty things, is on the Lord, my heart keeps time with His words, the good in things come though in color, and like dye, stain my hands. Its lasting love. When recently these moments occur, I take it in, take a breath, and I thank the Lord. And though it might not be now,I know if I seek up, one day. I'm grateful for the amazing family I have, and my amazing friends. Goodness.

Good things. so sleep now. wake. and start anew.